Wonderwall

Outside the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and people are still moving forward in life. Their biggest worries become being late for work, finding time to clean house, and paying bills...Isn't strange how despite what is happening in your own life--the world outside you moves forward without stopping----leaving you standing stunned, heart-broken, and unable to move as people run laps around you once again showing you how quickly Life goes on...

Do you ever feel that you are going through something so tough, and find yourself annoyed by people who could care less or try to relate by comparing their problems to yours?

Lately, I hold resentment to the people I once was close to, who claim me as a friend but never make an effort to call, or check up on everything. Admittedly, I do not have the life I once had where girls nights happened once a week, and I could spend time with my friends anytime I wanted because frankly....there is NO extra time.

My week consists of 19 hours of School 5 days a week, 2 nights a week, work Tuesday-Saturday, constantly studying for a test or having to write a paper, and then trying to spend time with my sister, my family, and my fiance. After doing all of that there is no time...

But I feel as though things are different for me. I feel as if I am at a place in my life that few understand, and I can not begin to imagine how alone my sister must feel. I feel that when I talk to people about what is going on that they do not truly understand. I think the world has become desensitized to the word "cancer", or "bone marrow transplant" ---they know that it is a bad thing, but they do not see it for what it truly is. The statistics on a bone marrow transplant are that 1 out of 8 do not survive the transplant. To many that is a statistic, simply a number...but imagine if 1 of those 8 people was your baby sister, or your mother, or your husband. It becomes a little different.

Leaving the Bone Marrow Transplant ward today, I walked by another one of the patients in Laurann's ward, and I honestly wanted to just reach out my arms and give her a hug. Her bald head was shining in the florescent lights as a symbol that she is fighting, the mask around her mouth to protect her from infection, and you can see her beautiful eyes with a glimmer of hope for another day...She walked down the hallway carrying the machine she is attached to because TODAY she had enough strength to get out of bed and walk the 20 feet of hallway that these patients are confined to. For four weeks this hallway becomes your only escape from the small cubicle like room that is to become your home...

Having my sister in this position, I have begun to realize the importance of the small things...the moments in life that are so small, but so precious...
Because I am to remember that..."I am the flower quickly fading,here today and gone tomorrow,A wave tossed in the ocean,a vapor in the wind"....