So close now!

Tomorrow my identity changes. Although OVER nine months I have been pregnant, I am finally going to be a mother. Wow, it crazy to think that exactly 40 weeks and 3 days ago I was holding a positive pregnancy test in one hand, and looking at Price with tears in my eyes. That moment was probably one of the scariest moments of my life. So many questions, doubts, and fears rushed into my mind....The next couple of days we kind of walked around in shock. I remember constantly thinking, “We just got married, How are we going to do this?”. Over the next forty weeks the answers came...slowly. We are so blessed by our family and friends who have supported, encouraged, educated, and been there for us along the way.

It is funny to see how Price and I's conversations have taken a dramatic twist, we talk a lot about our plans, hopes, and dreams for Kamdyn. It is amazing to see how far ahead in her life we can “plan”...We talk about everything from education and etiquette to her first fishing trip with dad. Wow, it is so crazy to think that sometime tomorrow “fingers crossed” I will be holding my sweet little baby! Price keeps trying to tell me that he gets to hold her more since I carried her for 9 months, but I don't believe that will be the case :)


I am so happy there is now a HUGE light at the end of this tunnel we call pregnancy. I will be so thankful to get some relief in my knees, and legs which are super sore! I know my sleep patterns will still be distorted, but at least I won't be getting up every 45 minutes to pee!I can not wait to be able to get out of bed without having to twist and roll until I can position myself off of the bed. I also am so ready to not have a big belly, although I may regret this statment after she is born and I am left with the baby weight. But I know now, just like every momma has told me that it is all worth it when you meet that sweet little girl!


I just have to say that we are so thankful and blessed by our family and friends who have been there for us! Without you, we would be so very lost...

Well, I will be headed to Mercy tomorrow at 7:00 ish to be there by 7:30 AM for an induction. Please be in prayer for a safe and SHORT delivery...Also for peace during this exciting, but nerve wracking time! Thank you!

<3

38 and counting..

Price and I had a really laid back weekend. Friday night we took our little nephew to the park and out for a snow cone. He is a blast, and is always saying the funniest things. I asked him if he wanted to feel his cousin Kamdyn in my belly, and told him where his hand was was her bottom, and he looks up and says "Why is she upside down?"...so cute! Price and him played really well together :)

Saturday, Price and I rested most of the day, and then we went on a little picnic to Hafer park.It was perfect weather.

Saturday also marked 38 weeks pregnant.

So today was slightly discouraging. My doctor is out of town the 10-20th. I am due the 18th...He scheduled an induction for the 21st assuming I make it that long, which on one hand I hope I don't due to being fat, out of breath, swollen, and being exhausted, but on the other hand I don't want another doctor to deliver Ms. Kamdyn..So I am just praying for peace that everything works out the way it should..

Life as of Late,

Wow, So much has happened since I last blogged. I am now a married woman. I am also expecting a sweet little girl---hopefully in the very NEAR future. We are naming her Kamdyn Elizabeth. She is due on the 18th, but I have my fingers crossed that she will come early, because I am officially miserable. Being 5'1 there is not much room for a 18+ inch baby in my belly.



I took this picture at the lake this weekend, I had to stick my leg so far out to be able to see my toes!

I think I am going to try harder to keep this thing updated...

With the news that Price and I were expecting we made the decision that I am going to be a stay at home mommy---at least until I finish my degree in the Fall. I am not really sure how everything is going to play out after that, but I am looking forward to morphing into June Cleaver with a clean house and baking yummy treats. We will see how this all plays out.....Until next time :)

Gosh, What a wild ride it has been the past couple of weeks. I have to say how much happier I am now that school is out. I have time to cook my own dinner, keep my house spotless (at least when I want to), and still have time to work out, and I have even been reading a book for my OWN enjoyment!

I am reading "The Shack" by William Young, and despite the fact that I am unsure how theological it is...I really do not care. I think it paints a beautiful picture of God's love...well, once you get passed the first four chapters. They are hard to read, very sad.

I have been coming home each day to boxes on the porch from recent purchases for my wedding, and I become like a child on Christmas ripping open the boxes.Even though from the writing on the outside of the box I already know what is in the box! I just love it! Less than 3 months and I will be a Mrs. That is real exciting!! I am so blessed by beautiful people!

On a less positive note,on Sunday night Green Goodies, the bakery that I work at was pretty much deemed destroyed after the Hail storm. The store was a complete mess, and water covered 2 inches thick on the ground. The repairers are saying it will be at least three weeks before the store will be able to be back and running again. Please be praying for Green Goodies. I do not think people realize how important this little store is to me. Not only is it my place of work, but I now have a little family. The thought of being separated one day is seriously terrifying to me!! So please continue to pray for a speedy recovery and blessings to head Tiffany's way.


There is so much to update on here, but I feel like I will be writing a novel if I do...But for the last SEVEN weeks I have been eating the most delicious food. I have eliminated Gluten, Dairy, Soy, Sugar, Corn, Caffiene, and pretty much any processed food! I am now 20lbs lighter, and feeling amazing. My next goal is to be able to run a half marathon...I will be attemping a 5k in June so we wil see!

Growing up I was convinced that my life was going to turn into a fairy tale. A very distinct memory of my childhood brings me back to this fantasy. When I was about 7 years old I had gone to visit my biological Dad for the summer. At his home, he lived on a long dirt road that led to "Horseshoe Bend" which had a couple of trailers and a lake. My dad lived close to a lady who had a beautiful garden of sunflowers...Well me being the imaginative and lonely child that I was...had always wanted to run through a field of flowers, and pick them as I was running like I had seen in the movies....This was the first and only time in my life that I have ever attempted a stunt like this....I remember having tangled hair, overalls on, and the dirt that covered my feet as I ran arms opened wide pulling up everyone of the neighbor's sunflowers....To my amazement, it was nothing like the movies. Yes, it was really fun to pull them up as I ran, but it was not as glamorous as the movies. I didn't giggle the whole way, and the wind did not magically blow my hair whimsically, and that moment did not last as long it does in the movies. In a matter of 10 seconds I had ripped up all of this poor lady's sunflowers, it was not like a day long adventure that some movies portray....

Needless to say, this moment in my life is the moment that I realized how different life is from the movies...How different Life is from fairy tales...I honestly wonder, Why did I believe these silly stories? I can look back at this seemingly insignificant experience in my life and learn so much.

I am so discouraged this evening. I do not know when I became so sensitive,but I really am I just wish that I looked closer before I leaped. I always think that I am too cautious, but now I realize why. I have learned to trust my first instinct about people. If I don't feel comfortable around a person in the beginning it usually means something, and I am certain that I am done trying with this person. I have completely folded my hand. I have nothing left to play. There is nothing left to give, but to take my ante and move on...

Because Life is not like the movies. Life is not a fairy tale. There are not always happy endings and magical ever afters. Sometimes it is ugly. Sometimes it is messy, and sometimes It is just easier to take the loss...

Not to say this it isnt worth running through to sunflowers, to find out the truth...It's just that sometimes ideals and realities can be disappointing...

Forever and Always.

I can not believe how fast the days go by. It seems there is not enough time in the day to get everything done.

I pretty much have to admit that I want to be Taylor Swift's best friend. I mean it is a little creepy, but honestly the truth. I had a dream last night that I was at her concert backstage, and she text me...It is really funny, I think it is because her song's are set as my ringtone's and my phone rang a couple of times during my sleep...

But deep dark secret confession time, I have always known that I have pretty good writing skills, but I always wanted to learn to play the guitar and have an amazing singing voice, so I could get back at all of the ex boyfriends and crappy friends who hurt my feelings along the way.

Funny story, about six or seven years ago, I wrote this song about an ex boyfriend who will remain nameless for the sake of my pride, and my brother and sister can still sing the words to this day because I made them sing it with me all of the time. It was called, "You told me you loved me".....haha....I still remember the words I wrote too...

" You told me she was only a friend,
now you're kissing her again.
You told me you'd call,
the phone never rang...
You told me you'd be here when I got back,
and all that's left is the bed unmade.

You told me what you wouldn't do,
and now it's all been done.
You told me everything I wanted to hear...
You broke my heart,
You told me you loved me you loved me You told me you'd hold me forever..."

That is all I can remember of it----ohhh man.




I have been clutching the idea that Summer is so close, and that is what is has been getting me through the past month.

I feel like so much Hope lies in the Summer to come. I am so excited to be marrying my best friend. It seems so cliche to say that, but looking forward to waking up next to the one who sees me for who I am, and loves me regardless of my flaws. There is the hope for our future together, becoming one--having children---watching each other's dreams and plans unfold before our eyes...How exciting is this....

Lately, there have been some bumps in my road to happiness---but I am determined to stay positive, and let those relationships stay in the past. People are People, and sometimes it is better to have no expectations because your feelings can't be hurt. It is selfish to assume that everyone is as excited as me to be apart of my wedding, or spend time planning it...But it is not selfish to expect the friends you assume are always going to care the most to prove that. It is in the worst,dark, hardest times in your life and your most wonderful,joyful, happy times that you see who your Friends are... I see it now, and I am so blessed...I am letting the old friends go...Grateful for all that they have taught me, but now giving room for new people---new learning experiences, and so blessed by so many.

Quantity and Quality are two different words. Obviously, if given the choice, I would take the close friends I have today over the larger number of friends I had a year ago---

I made a list in the note application on my iphone of people I need to forgive, and have made a point to pray for them before I go to sleep...for a couple of people it is still hard for me to do anything but lift them up in prayer, but for some I have found that my heart has been softened, and the bitterness that was there is not as stagnant.


We will see what else is to come as the weeks unfold....

Wonderwall

Outside the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and people are still moving forward in life. Their biggest worries become being late for work, finding time to clean house, and paying bills...Isn't strange how despite what is happening in your own life--the world outside you moves forward without stopping----leaving you standing stunned, heart-broken, and unable to move as people run laps around you once again showing you how quickly Life goes on...

Do you ever feel that you are going through something so tough, and find yourself annoyed by people who could care less or try to relate by comparing their problems to yours?

Lately, I hold resentment to the people I once was close to, who claim me as a friend but never make an effort to call, or check up on everything. Admittedly, I do not have the life I once had where girls nights happened once a week, and I could spend time with my friends anytime I wanted because frankly....there is NO extra time.

My week consists of 19 hours of School 5 days a week, 2 nights a week, work Tuesday-Saturday, constantly studying for a test or having to write a paper, and then trying to spend time with my sister, my family, and my fiance. After doing all of that there is no time...

But I feel as though things are different for me. I feel as if I am at a place in my life that few understand, and I can not begin to imagine how alone my sister must feel. I feel that when I talk to people about what is going on that they do not truly understand. I think the world has become desensitized to the word "cancer", or "bone marrow transplant" ---they know that it is a bad thing, but they do not see it for what it truly is. The statistics on a bone marrow transplant are that 1 out of 8 do not survive the transplant. To many that is a statistic, simply a number...but imagine if 1 of those 8 people was your baby sister, or your mother, or your husband. It becomes a little different.

Leaving the Bone Marrow Transplant ward today, I walked by another one of the patients in Laurann's ward, and I honestly wanted to just reach out my arms and give her a hug. Her bald head was shining in the florescent lights as a symbol that she is fighting, the mask around her mouth to protect her from infection, and you can see her beautiful eyes with a glimmer of hope for another day...She walked down the hallway carrying the machine she is attached to because TODAY she had enough strength to get out of bed and walk the 20 feet of hallway that these patients are confined to. For four weeks this hallway becomes your only escape from the small cubicle like room that is to become your home...

Having my sister in this position, I have begun to realize the importance of the small things...the moments in life that are so small, but so precious...
Because I am to remember that..."I am the flower quickly fading,here today and gone tomorrow,A wave tossed in the ocean,a vapor in the wind"....