Flake.

Lately I have been feeling such diverse emotions. On one hand, I feel so blessed and happy. On the other hand, I feel discouraged, anger, and sadness. I am constantly struggling with my emotions trying to remain in a cheerful spirit, but it is definatly a battle right now. For starters, I am disgusted by people's ability to be so cruel. In the past few weeks I have witnessed people who I once saw as loving and selfless become monsters. It is amazing how a few hurt feelings cause such a wreckage among relationships. And then you have to question the relationship, if it was really as strong as you thought, how can you treat someone you once cared so much for, so terrible? I often think, that if people really thought about what they were doing, that maybe they would see the other side....but my mom always told me..."People's perceptions are their reality...". That is so true. If you would just stop and take a minute to truly think about the big picture...we would see that there is not ONE person at fault...there is not ONE person in the wrong....this is where I become angered...I do not understand how people who claim to be followers of Jesus can do such un-Christ-like things....Rob Bell said, "How you treat the CREATION reflects how you feel about the CREATOR"....so by treating people so terrible, you are ultimately showing God how you feel about him. Because God created us, he made us beautiful in his eyes, and he made us with a purpose...we are SOOOO valuable because his son died for US...so when you treat one of GOD's creations wrong, you are ultimately saying to him that you do not value him. and then I feel sadness. I feel for the hurt feelings and the tears shed over situations that were so crappy. I feel sadness that Life for the people involved is different. I feel sadness that those relationships can never be repaired, and yet there is positiveness in that...because God will use this experience......
On a completely different note, there is something magical about the season of Christmas, I think it is the idea that there is hope for the hopeless. People at this time of year can be so generous. Yesterday Green Goodies used all of the proceeds from yesterday to go towards the two families we have adopted for Christmas. Yesterday was also my 21st birthday, and I can honestly say that I received more joy from each customer who entered the door of Green Goodies than any gift I received yesterday. If I could constantly pursue my passion in life...this is what it would be... I love giving people hope. I may not always be so good at expressing my emotions verbally, but hand me a pen, and I can write you some serious words of encouragement. I find such fulfillment in knowing that I can touch some one's life for the better, and If I did not have to work for a living I would love to spend my days in a non-profit organization volunteering and interacting with people who have lost hope. I mean this is really my heart. I always feel such an urge to get out and help.
Basically this blog was a rant of my current feelings, but I hope that in some way it opens your eyes about the way you are treating people----because I feel that is something people need to remember even in situations of hurt.

Come all ye' faithful

Wow. It is only Tuesday and I literally feel so moved this week. Starting Sunday, I went with Hallie and Jon to LC Edmond Campus, and that was my first run in with what God is trying to tell me. The message was about Giving, and how blessed your life can be when you give. Sunday night, Hallie, Tiff and I went to see The Blind Side---talk about such a touching story, I literally laughed and cried. Monday night, I had a really rough night. I was feeling really selfish and angry. As my birthday and Christmas are approaching there are so many things that I want, and I was frustrated by my lack of money. To be honest, this has been the poorest times financially I HAVE ever had in my young years of life. I have to constantly remind myself that I am a college student with a part time job, and it is a normal lifestyle. But that does not always satisfy my want for things. So in my selfish moment last night I was crying to Price about how financially stressed I have been. Only to be slapped in the face with brutal honesty when I came to work today.

For Christmas, Green Goodies has decided to adopt a family to help with their Holiday needs, and Tiffany received the information about the family, that literally caused tears to stream from my face. My heart is breaking for this family, and I am sure that there are so many out there like this on this Holiday season. For starters this family has two daughters and have taken in a 3 year old little boy. The father is terminally ill, and the mother just lost her job.They have no electricity and no heat. They barely have any food and the parents make sure the children are fed before they eat, and last night the parents SPLIT a dollar menu McDonald's burger. I can feel the tears form again as I write. I feel like God is using these things in my life to show me how RICH I am, I have a home, I have heat. I have electricity. I have food. I have a CAR. I have a job. I am blessed by my family, and my friends. I have a fiance who calls me just to tell me I am beautiful and he is thinking about me. I may not have much in my bank account, but I am no where close to being poor. On December 15Th, my 21st birthday and NATIONAL CUPCAKE day, all of the proceeds from Green Goodies are going to help this family. Please tell your friends, and come in and buy a cupcake. We really want to make a difference in their life.

This is what life is about people. We are here to give. We are here to bless others. Our purpose on this Earth is not for our self. When did we start putting profit before people?

I am reminded of the story I heard from Price's Christmas party this last weekend. He is working part time for a remodel company, and their employees took a 10% pay cut instead of firing an employee in this struggling economy! This story makes me want to jump up and down screaming "THIS IS WHAT LIFE IS ABOUT"

It takes me right back to the idea of Consumption....Do we define our purchases or do our purchases define us?

My prayer for all of you this week---is that you open your eyes to the world around you, and see the blessings before you, I pray that you hug your family, I pray that you see how blessed you are to have food at your dinner table. I ask that God softens your heart and allows you to GIVE more than you have ever given.

Such Great Heights.

So my family finally received word about Laurann's biopsy this week. When I got the call from Laurann I immediately felt overwhelmed with information that made no sense, and my mind filled with questions. My best interpretation of what is to come is that Laurann will either under go a stem cell transplant or a bone marrow transplant. At this point, I can feel a lump forming in my throat as I type. I constantly pray to God to rid my heart of selfishness, because this is supposed to be the happiest time of my life. I am engaged and planning to be married to the love of my life in May, yet at the same time there is a cloud of confusion, fear, and unanswered questions hovering over me.
Currently, I am so blessed in my life by so many people and situations, but I can not help to questions people's intentions. I find it almost insulting the way illness brings us closer. Why is it that it takes illness, loss, or trauma to bring people out of the closet? And Why are there people who should never be in that closet choosing to stay so distant? If we are supposed to live like today is our last day on Earth then why are people choosing to end relationships with people over silly things? Why are people so cruel to each other? Seriously, In the last few weeks I have seen people I care so much about do such hateful things to other people I care about ,and It is so frustrating to watch. Inside I am screaming, "Would you please open your eyes?!" If I were to die to today, my biggest hope would be that I had made amends with people who I have hurt or hurt me. I pray that my legacy is something of value. I strive to leave a legacy of being the person who was always there and even when I had nothing to give, I would gladly give my last dollar to someone who needed it more than me.
I would just really like to encourage others of the importance of being genuine. There is a proverb in the bible that says "As a dog returns to his vomit, so is a fool who repeats his folly..." Just remember the importance of letting things go and forgiveness. And if you are going to be there for someone who is experiencing loss, or sickness....BE THERE.....don't disappear when things get better.....BE THERE.....after the chaos settles....BE THERE....when things are good.....BE THERE .....when times are hard....BE THERE....when it is time to return to your closet....BE THERE...not just in times of need...BE THERE.

Consumption.

Today I received one of the most exciting gifts. In the past few months I have become extremely close to the pretty girls that I work with. There are only three of us at Green Goodies, but I feel like I have 2 new older sisters who I could go to with any problem and they would always be there with a listening ear and constructive advice. I feel so blessed to be surrounded by such wonderful women. There is always constant laughter, dancing, and encouragement. Something that seems hard to come by in the workplace. Well, continuing on with my story. Kissy Tiff- the owner of Green Goodies, is the reason for my excitement today. When I got to work today she had a surprise for me and Hallie (I will refer to her as Huggy). She handed us each a pink envelope with our names on them. Inside the envelope was a card with a sweet note, and an amount of cash---that I will not disclose until AFTER Christmas. But the purpose of this card and money, was her way of giving us an opportunity to bless someone this holiday. We prayed together and asked God to use us, and give us the opportunity to help someone. I can not explain the wave of goosebumps that popped up on my body. I just know that God is going to use this opportunity to do something great for someone else. The plan is that after Christmas we are going to share our stories with each other, and I am so eager to see how God will use us!

Secondly, although I feel such happiness and joy I cant help but to feel fear and anger in the back of my mind. My sister is recovering from her 2nd biopsy in the last two weeks. I feel so sick to think that our family may be facing "Cancer" again. The word "Cancer" seems so common when people talk about it, but for me it holds so much underlying meaning. Cancer to me is hell on Earth. When I think of the word "Cancer", I think of my sister, and I think of all that she went through. I think of the night sweats, the extreme weight loss, her not having any appetite or throwing up when she did eat, the pain in her eyes every time she had to have another shot, or round of chemotherapy, the tormented face she made when she looked in the mirror and had lost her hair, and the pain that my family had realizing that there was nothing any of us could do to make it better. There are so many questions that fill my mind when I think about this situation. The most obvious and unanswerable question is "Why?" I can not help but to think that God has an amazing purpose for Laurann's life. That seems to be the only answer that gives me peace. I find comfort in the fact that I know that God has an amazing plan for Laurann's life and know that her story will be used to touch so many lives. Her strength through the situation is something to be praised. I just continue to pray for her, my mom, her doctors, and her healing.

Lastly, as the Christmas holiday is drawing near I am constantly reminded by our need for consumption. It becomes obvious due to the fact that Christmas decorations were being placed in stores as soon as Halloween ended. I feel that people are falling into consumption--the idea of buy, buy, buy and forgetting all about compassion. This year especially compassion seems so important because it seems that many are so close to being without a job, without food, or adequate shelter. When did Christmas become about who could spend the most money or buy the biggest gifts? It's at this time that we have to ask ourselves do we define our purchases or do our purchases define us? Why do we define ourselves or others by the money that is spent? I think that is why the pink envelope that Tiffany gave me is so touching. I am just so encouraged and excited about the chance to touch some one's life!

Until next time,
I hope you have a wonderful week and are encouraged to give!