So my family finally received word about Laurann's biopsy this week. When I got the call from Laurann I immediately felt overwhelmed with information that made no sense, and my mind filled with questions. My best interpretation of what is to come is that Laurann will either under go a stem cell transplant or a bone marrow transplant. At this point, I can feel a lump forming in my throat as I type. I constantly pray to God to rid my heart of selfishness, because this is supposed to be the happiest time of my life. I am engaged and planning to be married to the love of my life in May, yet at the same time there is a cloud of confusion, fear, and unanswered questions hovering over me.
Currently, I am so blessed in my life by so many people and situations, but I can not help to questions people's intentions. I find it almost insulting the way illness brings us closer. Why is it that it takes illness, loss, or trauma to bring people out of the closet? And Why are there people who should never be in that closet choosing to stay so distant? If we are supposed to live like today is our last day on Earth then why are people choosing to end relationships with people over silly things? Why are people so cruel to each other? Seriously, In the last few weeks I have seen people I care so much about do such hateful things to other people I care about ,and It is so frustrating to watch. Inside I am screaming, "Would you please open your eyes?!" If I were to die to today, my biggest hope would be that I had made amends with people who I have hurt or hurt me. I pray that my legacy is something of value. I strive to leave a legacy of being the person who was always there and even when I had nothing to give, I would gladly give my last dollar to someone who needed it more than me.
I would just really like to encourage others of the importance of being genuine. There is a proverb in the bible that says "As a dog returns to his vomit, so is a fool who repeats his folly..." Just remember the importance of letting things go and forgiveness. And if you are going to be there for someone who is experiencing loss, or sickness....BE THERE.....don't disappear when things get better.....BE THERE.....after the chaos settles....BE THERE....when things are good.....BE THERE .....when times are hard....BE THERE....when it is time to return to your closet....BE THERE...not just in times of need...BE THERE.
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Hollee, you have ALWAYS been there for me! Good times and bad times. And God knows our family has had some bad times! But without bad times we might not be the people we are. Thank you for being the person you are. I promise I will do everything in my power to make your wedding everything you dreamed it would be. I love you.
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